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An essay on coed sleepovers I wrote in high school

Dave The Canuck 2012/09/13 03:25:07
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The following is an essay I wrote when I was about 16 or 17 years old. Feel free to write what you think of it.

Coed Sleepovers

We sleep to rest ourselves, to regain our energy to use for the next day. However, I do not understand why we always equate sleeping with sex.
I have two friends: Mike and Sarah. I have never had a sexual relationship with Sarah and I do not want to either. My father says that friends of the opposite gender do not even have sleepovers because their genders are different. If I were to have a sleepover with Mike, my Dad would feel fine. Nobody would see it as sexual activity or that we are homosexual.

However, if I asked to have a sleepover with Sarah, Dad would not let me and Sarah would refuse. Why? For the sole reason that she is a girl. It does seem rather sexist.

Besides, even if I did intend such a sleepover to be sexual, so what? Teens go on dates which they intend to practice their sexuality. Yet, other casual friends exist of the opposite gender. Casual friendship is about what friends are like by their character and interests, not about gender.

Every single night, I sleep to rest myself, and I do not want people to tell me that I would be engaged in sexual activity if only a female, any female were sleeping in the room. People fall asleep on planes and buses anyway.

Sure, sleeping with or near someone of the opposite sex can be sexual. I would feel aroused if it were someone on whom I felt sexual or had a relationship, but someone like Sarah? I could never feel aroused by someone by whom I did not feel sexual in the beginning.

Several years from now, I do hope to marry, and when we do, our bed will become the most sexual place we could possibly be. Probably, another part of the reason why we sleep is so that we can spend some intimate time alone with our partners.

If I were to have a sleepover with Sarah, we would not actively be participating in sexual activity. We would merely have a presence of each other. Who is to dictate that by day, most people of the opposite gender are merely people, but by night, every single one of them transforms into a sex object? Let's take into consideration gender equality.

In my opinion, forbidding coed sleeping is like the Berenstein Bears story, 'No Girls Allowed' in which the boys make a club just to shut Sister Bear and the other girls out. If the people involved in the sleepover, are not intimately bonded, sex segregation is unfair, and unnecessary.

Should all dormitories be coed then? I would say not. We must respect other peoples' opinion of how they would feel about people of the opposite gender of a dormitory.

Would such a slumber party automatically, inevitably, and uncontrollably transform into an orgy party? Casual friends of the opposite gender do many things together: eat, play, watch movies, talk, go out; so, why not sleep? We only see two people of the opposite gender sleeping with each other as only sexual because that is typically the context in which people of the opposite sex do it.

If coed sleeping were only sexual, homosexual people would never be able to have a nonsexual sleepover, or sleep in a dormitory without people of their sex arousing them or their arousing people of the opposite sex. Describing coed sleeping as solely sexual violates equality rights between genders, and compromises principles which encourage other people, especially between friends, to evaluate a person from his or her inside.
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Opinions

  • Mike 2013/01/02 20:34:42
    That's sick, twisted thinking, David
    Mike
    +1
    only in Canada (lol)
  • Mike Mike 2013/01/02 20:35:26
    Mike
    +1
    P.S. Ou est la version francaise ?? lol
  • Dave Th... Mike 2013/01/02 20:48:33 (edited)
    Dave The Canuck
    So glad you only selected that option sarcastically.
  • Gabsters<3 2013/01/02 20:18:32
    Great essay! I agree with it
    Gabsters<3
    +2
    Great essay very well written :)
  • Gabsters<3 Gabsters<3 2013/01/02 20:24:27
    Gabsters<3
    +2
    I agree because I'm intrested in females and have had sleepovers with females (but without anything sexual going on ofc) and its not fair that there's a double standard where a lesbian/bisexual girl can have sleepovers with her gal friends without a second thought but a straight man can't have a sleepover with his female friend (with nothing sexual going on between them) without someone thinking they are having sex. very good points in this essay :)
  • Dave Th... Gabsters<3 2013/03/25 02:41:55
    Dave The Canuck
    +1
    I'm glad you enjoyed it.
  • Dave The Canuck 2012/10/09 06:44:57
    Great essay! I agree with it
    Dave The Canuck
    +1
    Of course I agree with it, seeing as it's my own essay.
  • David Hussey 2012/09/13 05:42:04
    It's a good essay, but I cannot agree with it
    David Hussey
    +2
    Just because there is no sexual connotations to it for you, perhaps there are some for Sarah. And rightly or wrongly (wrongly in my opinion), society is going to brand Sarah as promiscuous, ' a slut'. Personally, I don't think there should be a double standard, but the reality is that our society is full of double standards. Should you be able to have a sleepover with Sarah? Sure, but that doesn't mean that doing so will not have negative repercussions and on that basis alone there is cause for parents to have reservations about allowing it to occur.
  • Judy224 2012/09/13 04:22:09
    It's a good essay, but I cannot agree with it
    Judy224
    +1
    David, Do you still fee this way today? How would you feel if it were your daughter going on a sleep over at some guys house?
  • Dave Th... Judy224 2012/09/13 04:26:38
    Dave The Canuck
    +2
    I sort of feel this way today, but not as strongly as when I wrote the essay. It would depend on how well I knew and trusted my daughter and her friend(s).
  • Judy224 Dave Th... 2012/09/13 04:31:53
    Judy224
    +1
    David, There is no need for a girl to be having a sleep over at a boy's house. Unless they are going to be painting each others nails, or doing each others hair. Just my opinion.
  • Dave Th... Judy224 2012/09/15 22:19:28
    Dave The Canuck
    +1
    On the other hand, someone who stays at a bed and breakfast could be staying overnight in the house of a host who's of the opposite sex. Should we ban B&B's?
  • Judy224 Dave Th... 2012/09/16 01:19:46
    Judy224
    +1
    David, That is something completely opposite. A B & B is like a hotel, only a little cozier. I sleepover is sleeping in the same room with your friend. You do not sleep in the same room with the host of a B & B. Get real.
  • Mike Dave Th... 2013/01/02 20:38:10
    Mike
    +1
    If you can afford to stay at a B&B, then you can pretty well make your own rules (lol)
  • Dave Th... Judy224 2012/10/04 03:44:48 (edited)
    Dave The Canuck
    +1
    I would argue that the need for coed sleepovers is to give us a break from the automatic, unnecessary, association "sleeping in mixed gender=sex." Americans have a similar attitude about nudity, especially coed nudity. Don't you think Americans sexualize too many things? A friend of mine once pointed out, "If a man were sharing a house with a female, who was a minor, he would probably get arrested. It wouldn't even cross anybody's mind that they might NOT be having sex." Don't you think that's kind of guilty until proven innocent? If it were more common and accepted for casual friends to have non-sexual coed sleepovers, perhaps we would be more like Europeans and have less hangups about sexuality.
  • Dave Th... Judy224 2012/10/28 21:36:21
    Dave The Canuck
    +1
    How would you have reacted if your son or daughter had written this essay?

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