A few Chinese jokes.
Chinese Torture Test
A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes
upon a small house. He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old Chinese man
with a long grey beard. “I’m lost,” said the man, “Can you put me up for the
night?”
“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but one condition. If you so much as lay a
finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures
known to man.”
“OK,” said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and
entered the house.
Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had
a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as well, as she
couldn’t keep her eyes off of him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s
warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.
During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night
of passion. Near dawn, he quietly crept back to his room so the old man
wouldn’t hear, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock
on his chest with a note on it that read:
“Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.”
“Well, that’s easy,” he thought. “If that’s the best the old man can do then I
don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up, walked over to the
window and threw it out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read:
“Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.”
In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to
taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he jumped out
of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted toward the ground he saw a
large sign on the ground that read:
“Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post.”
A single Chinese man owns a Chinese restaurant, and one day a
beautiful Chinese woman walks in. He immediately walks over and asks her out on
a date. She agrees. They go out for a while, and soon, the man proposes to her.
She says "Yes, but before we do, there's something you must know. I have
never had the sex, but I've read about it." He says that it's not a
problem, and they are married.
On their honeymoon, the man tells his wife that
since she's a virgin, she can choose what they do first. She says "Oh,
most honorable husband. I am honored to be your wife, even though I have never
had the sex, but I've read about it. So, I have chosen to have the 69.
The husband looks
confused, and after thinking about it, he says "You want.. the beef and
broccoli?"
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Ouchie!