Top Opinion
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meg 2012/06/13 06:14:50
+6A man has trouble obtaining an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and that there's nothing he can do unless the man is willing to try an experimental surgery. The man asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. The man says that sounds pretty scary, but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he agrees. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery, and about 6 weeks later gives the man the go ahead to "try out his new equipment". The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. The pressure becomes unbearable and since he figures no one can see him, the man undoes his pants. As soon as his fly is down, his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he answers "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"
A diesel behind her is getting mad so he tells her to pull over.
She does has told and pulls over.
They both get it and he gets a piece of chalk and draws a circle.
He says," Stand in this circle and dont get out no matter what.
She stands in the circle and is waiting for her next instruction.
Instead the diesel driver smashes her windows.
But the blonde just starts laughing.
Next he smashes some more windows and the headlights.
The blonde just starts laughing even harder.
Ok now the driver is angry he slashes her tires and seats.
Shes laughing so hard now that she falls on the ground.
The driver says what the heck is so dang funny
and she says while you werent looking i stepped out of the circle
John was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John 's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To John 's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the ...
John was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John 's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To John 's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully this fall, the bells are not always audible.