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What is the funniest joke you know?

La Cherry 2009/06/23 23:03:47
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  • brittany 2009/06/30 04:50:47 (edited)
    my fave is...
    brittany
    +5
    there were three southern belles on the front lawn of a plantation... the first belle says "see my diamond necklace? my beau gave it to me, he's rich and he loves me" the second belle gushes over the jewel and the third says "well that's nice"

    -the second belle says " see my diamond ring? my beau gave it to me; he's rich and he loves me" the first belle gushes over the jewel and the third says "well that's nice"

    -the first and second belles look at the third and ask "well what does your beau buy you? isn't he rich and doesn't he just love you?" the third belle say " why yes he's rich and he loves me... he sent me to etiquette school!"

    the first and second belles ask "etiquette school? whatever for?" the third southern belle replies "so that i could learn to say 'well that's nice' instead of 'fuck you'!"

    lol hope that gets you laughing!

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  • AnnaLynne! 2009/07/02 15:08:34
    my fave is...
    AnnaLynne!
    What type of jeans do the super mario brothers wear?

    (say really fast, kinda like a tongue twister)

    denimdenimdenim
  • BBJOHN 2009/07/01 13:52:04
    my fave is...
    BBJOHN
    I Tell This one Every new crowd i come across Your gonna pee yourselves...Here goes............................
    A dwarf with a lisp goes to an agricultural show to buy a mare. He wanders around until he comes across a beautiful mare inside a small enclosure with a farmer standing at the gate.He goes up to the farmer and says, “Excthuth me, can I have a look at your horth?”
    “Sure”, says the farmer,”come on in.”The dwarf wanders round and round the mare and then stops, says to the farmer “Her eyeth, her eyeth, I want to see her eyeth.”The farmer has to bend down and pick up the dwarf to show him the mare’s eyes.“Nith eyeth, nith eyeth, I like thith horth, I think I want to buy thith horth.”
    Once again the dwarf wanders around the horse, in turn asking the farmer to pick him up and show him the mare’s ears and exclaiming, “Nith earth, nith earth, I like thith horth, I think I want to buy thith horth.”
    The farmer is starting to get pissed off by this stage because the dwarf is quite heavy.Suddenly the dwarf stops in his tracks and says, “Her twat. her twat, I want to see her twat!”The farmer, infuriated, picks up the dwarf and drives him head first into the mare’s Ass.
    He leaves the dwarf’s little legs kicking and wanders off to talk to his buddies for a couple of minutes. He then comes back and extracts the dwarf, “SCHLOOOOP!”
    The dwarf Spits poop and cusses and says. “I think I better wephrathe that you dumb thon of a bith…I’d like to thee her gallop!”
  • SpyderX 2009/06/30 16:32:41
    my fave is...
    SpyderX
    SodaHead!!! ROTFLMAO
  • Buckwheat19 2009/06/30 15:01:01
    my fave is...
    Buckwheat19
    +1
    Q: What do you call a fish without any eyes?

    A: Fsssssshhhhhh

    Q: What do you call a deer without any eyes?

    A: I have no-i-deer
  • Hi 2009/06/30 09:05:43
    my fave is...
    Hi
    +1
    Once upon a time when a Blonde was hard up for money, she decided to kidnap a child. So the next day she goes to a nearby playground and when nobody is looking, she pulls a random kid behind a tree and says, "You're kidnapped, so be quiet and don't give me any trouble." The little boy, too startled to do anything stands there in shock. The Blonde then pulls out a note that reads:

    I am a desperate Blonde hard up for money. I have kidnapped your kid and if you ever want to see him again you arrange for 5,000 dollars in non-sequencial, unmarked bills to be put next to this tree by 12:00 tonight, or else.

    She hands the note to the kid and tells him to give it to his mother. The next day the Blonde finds the bag of money next to the tree. Inside the bag is a little note that reads:

    Here is the money. How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?



    ANOTHER ONE:

    Three convicts escape from jail and are being chased by police. They turn onto a dark alley and spot a bunch of potato sacks. Each of the three hide in one.
    A policeman quickly comes through the scene and hears a rustling from the potato sacks. He goes over to them and kicks the first potato sack.
    'Meow!' says the a convict. And the policeman goes to the next muttering, 'Stupid cats.'
    He kicks the second potato sack and the second c...''
    ''''
    Once upon a time when a Blonde was hard up for money, she decided to kidnap a child. So the next day she goes to a nearby playground and when nobody is looking, she pulls a random kid behind a tree and says, "You're kidnapped, so be quiet and don't give me any trouble." The little boy, too startled to do anything stands there in shock. The Blonde then pulls out a note that reads:

    I am a desperate Blonde hard up for money. I have kidnapped your kid and if you ever want to see him again you arrange for 5,000 dollars in non-sequencial, unmarked bills to be put next to this tree by 12:00 tonight, or else.

    She hands the note to the kid and tells him to give it to his mother. The next day the Blonde finds the bag of money next to the tree. Inside the bag is a little note that reads:

    Here is the money. How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?



    ANOTHER ONE:

    Three convicts escape from jail and are being chased by police. They turn onto a dark alley and spot a bunch of potato sacks. Each of the three hide in one.
    A policeman quickly comes through the scene and hears a rustling from the potato sacks. He goes over to them and kicks the first potato sack.
    'Meow!' says the a convict. And the policeman goes to the next muttering, 'Stupid cats.'
    He kicks the second potato sack and the second convict says, 'Woof!'
    'Stupid dogs!' says the policeman while moving on to the next potato sack. The policeman kicks it, nothing, so he kicks it again and the last convict says, 'Potato potato!'
    (more)
  • sumesh 2009/06/30 08:30:15
    my fave is...
    sumesh
    +3
    An boy and his father from village were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
    The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

    The father, having never seen a Lift, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

    While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

    The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

    The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
  • TattooedSailor 2009/06/30 06:47:41 (edited)
    my fave is...
    TattooedSailor
    A blonde is showing off her new tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh...
    Her friends asked her why she would get that, and why in that location...

    She responds: "It's really cool! If you put your ear up to it, you can smell the ocean!"

    tattoo seashell thigh friends location responds cool ear smell ocean
  • dzynrbob 2009/06/30 04:57:43
    my fave is...
    dzynrbob
    'Do you walk to school or carry your lunch?'
  • brittany 2009/06/30 04:50:47 (edited)
    my fave is...
    brittany
    +5
    there were three southern belles on the front lawn of a plantation... the first belle says "see my diamond necklace? my beau gave it to me, he's rich and he loves me" the second belle gushes over the jewel and the third says "well that's nice"

    -the second belle says " see my diamond ring? my beau gave it to me; he's rich and he loves me" the first belle gushes over the jewel and the third says "well that's nice"

    -the first and second belles look at the third and ask "well what does your beau buy you? isn't he rich and doesn't he just love you?" the third belle say " why yes he's rich and he loves me... he sent me to etiquette school!"

    the first and second belles ask "etiquette school? whatever for?" the third southern belle replies "so that i could learn to say 'well that's nice' instead of 'fuck you'!"

    lol hope that gets you laughing!
  • La Cherry brittany 2009/06/30 15:31:55
    La Cherry
    +1
    thats funny!!
  • back at cha 2009/06/30 04:50:47
    my fave is...
    back at cha
    +2
    You know there is one person in the Us that will always be proud of obama. Jimmy Carter, because he knows that he is no longer the worst president of the US. obama has surpassed him.
  • back at... back at... 2009/06/30 07:03:26
    back at cha
    Ok I got one more.


    Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as
    > aircraft mechanics in PITTSBURGH .
    > One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the
    > hangar with nothing to do.
    >Bud said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'
    >Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink
    > jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?'
    > So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane
    > hooch and got completely smashed.
    >The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he
    > feels. In fact he feels GREAT!
    > NO hangover!
    >NO bad side effects. Nothing!
    > Then the phone rings. It's Jim .. Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this
    > morning?'
    > Bud says, 'I feel great. How about you?'
    >Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'
    > Bud says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.'
    > 'Yeah, well there's just one thing.'
    > 'What's that?'
    > 'Have you farted yet?'
    > 'No
    > 'Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Denver
  • jams 2009/06/30 04:49:51
    my fave is...
    jams
    +2
    Saw a funny on SH today.

    What do Obama and God have in common?
    No Birth Certificate.
  • JivinGene 2009/06/30 04:46:52
    my fave is...
    JivinGene
    What's big, red, and eats rocks?
  • brittany JivinGene 2009/06/30 04:51:32
  • JivinGene brittany 2009/06/30 04:52:27
    JivinGene
    A big red rock eater!!!

    lol? lol!!!
  • brittany JivinGene 2009/06/30 04:53:48
    brittany
    +1
    okay... ha... ha i think!? lol
  • JivinGene brittany 2009/06/30 04:57:12
    JivinGene
    hehe yeah corny i know
  • jams brittany 2009/06/30 04:58:51
    jams
    You know some said that pigs woudl fly before a black man because President of these United States.

    Know what happened?
  • brittany jams 2009/06/30 13:41:53
    brittany
    +1
    the swine flu! lol... i know that one already but it is still funny!
  • ~Austin's mine:)~taylor! 2009/06/30 04:46:06
    my fave is...
    ~Austin's mine:)~taylor!
    +1
    dude no.
    that requires thought and brain activity
  • TopherJ3 2009/06/30 04:18:48
    my fave is...
    TopherJ3
    +3
    Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries...

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