PUBLIC OPINION : Meet Honey Boo Boo, Six-Year-Old Beauty Queen and Child-Services-Taunting Reality Star

And you thought that staying in a hotel room designed by David Lynch was scary! Courtesy of Deadline, we learn that the TLC network is spinning off a series from Toddlers & Tiaras—the serialized study of midriff-baring beauty queens and their pushy stage moms that pioneered the “child-services bait” genre. Introducing Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, a startlingly titled television series about a startlingly rouged six-year-old that is being pitched with the following startling—no, horrifying—blurb: “An inside look into Alana’s world where the pageant sensation proves that she is more than just a Go-Go Juice-drinking beauty queen. When she’s not chasing after crowns, Alana’s with her family in rural Georgia doing what her family does best: four-wheeling through mud pits and picking up road kill for the family cookout.”

To clarify, Alana goes by the stage name Honey Boo Boo, as she recently explained to a part perplexed/part delighted Anderson Cooper on his daytime talk show. And after too much Internet research dedicated to the subject, your blogger has learned that “Go-Go Juice” is a homemade caffeinated beverage—specifically, a combination of Mountain Dew and Red Bull that H.B.B.’s mother prepares before pageants—on which the six-year-old has developed a borderline scary dependency.

F.B.I. Watch Lists will begin tracking the viewers of this series when it premieres in August.