Piranha 3DD: Film Review Would you watch the movie?

Although a sequel to 2010’s Piranha 3D seems
entirely superfluous, don’t tell that to the target demo of gorehounds
and softcore-deprived teens (if they still exist) who may still take
some notice. Regardless, this sub-par franchise installment will quickly
sink beneath the waves to find a suitable resting place in ancillary,
where it will surely tempt younger viewers to outwit the R-rated
restrictions.

After a brief newsreel recap of the bloody events depicted in Piranha 3D, the follow-up introduces marine biology graduate student Maddy (Danielle Panabaker), returning home for the summer to find her skeezy step-dad Chet (David Koechner)
reopening the formerly wholesome water park run by her deceased mother.
Now known as “Big Wet,” it’s a destination better suited to grownups
that’s staffed with buxom lifeguards and former strippers.

Complete with an “Adults Only” swimming pool full of mostly naked
women, Chet’s relying on the overt sleaze factor and the piranha
massacre at now-defunct Lake Victoria, site of Piranha 3D, to drive summer business into his park. He’s not leaving anything to chance however, hiring washed-up lifeguard celebrity David Hasselhoff (cheerfully spoofing himself) to open the park, sign autographs and pose for photos.

The reappearance of the killer fish in picturesque Cross Lake --
appropriately located near “Merkin,” Arizona -- sends Maddy in search of
reclusive scientist Carl Goodman (Christopher Lloyd), with her hunky ex-boyfriend Kyle (Chris Zylka) and totally crushed-out coworker Barry (Matt Bush)
in tow. The kindly, if clearly depraved, researcher hypothesizes that
the prehistoric fish may be migrating from deep in a network of
underwater lakes and rivers to emerge in the vicinity of the water park.

That tipoff is enough to send Maddy on an investigation that uncovers
Chet’s scheme to avoid paying utility fees by extracting water from a
subterranean aquifer, along with a whole hoard of hungry fish. By now,
it’s too late to stop the piranhas from invading the water park to wreak
predictable havoc, despite the heroic interventions of Maddy, Henry and
even Hasselhoff.

There was a time – back in the prehistory of the latter 20th Century – when this type of Roger Corman-inspired,
R-rated Z-movie served as a right of passage for testosterone-toxified
teens, before moving on to the greener pastures of university campuses
and frat houses. With today’s prevalence of online porn, amateur
strippers and celebrity sex tapes, the target market is constantly
shrinking, although the adequately handled 3D format, killer CGI fish
and gore effects are still nominal selling points, however familiar by
now.

As sequels go, Piranha 3DD has barely enough heft to squeeze
out 83 minutes of ho-hum entertainment, although it faithfully delivers
plenty of menacing fish and bouncing boobs, as amply advertised.
Following up the Feast horror series, director John Gulager
plays it mostly by the numbers and with an established template to work
with, surprises aren’t anticipated anyway, although tipping the
follow-up is obviously required.

With most of the running time devoted to setting up and
over-explaining the premise, mayhem gets short shrift. Performances are
perfunctory overall, with even the slightly inspired cameos by Lloyd and
Ving Rhames -- returning as a local sheriff equipped
with shotguns on his prosthetic legs -- barely raising the temperature
above tepid, although Hasselhoff seems eerily inspired in his
willingness to ridicule his own image.

Clearly these ravenous fish have nothing on battleships, men in black
and sword-wielding princesses, but for the devoted, there are obviously
no substitutes.

Opens: June 1 (Dimension Films)

Production companies: Mark Canton/IPW Productions

Cast: Danielle Panabaker, Katrina Bowden, Chris Zylka, Matt Bush,
David Koechner, Christopher Lloyd, David Hasselhoff, Ving Rhames, Paul
Scheer, Gary Busey

Director: John Gulager

Screenwriters: Patrick Melton, Marcus Dunstan, Joel Soisson

Producers: Mark Canton, Joel Soisson, Marc Toberoff

Executive producers: Bob Weinstein, Harvey Weinstein, Ben Ormand, Chako Van Leeuwen, Matthew Stein, Joel Soisson

Director of photography: Alexandre Lehmann

Production designer: Ermanno Di Febo-Orsini

Editors: Martin Bernfeld, Devin Lussier

Music: Elia Cmiral

Rated R, 83 minutes