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Just...A few lines to make you smile!

roger 2009/01/11 13:21:44
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TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.

He thought he was God and I didn't.

2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck- is-the-room- spinning medicine.

12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18 Procrastinate Now!

19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand
times the memory.

26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a
pig.

27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
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  • mach 2009/01/12 15:49:25
    Smiling
    mach
    +1
    Lots of laughs Peg, and many truths.
  • missnoee 2009/01/12 15:44:02
    Smiling
    missnoee
    +1
    they are ALL great ~! But this one to me is sooso true ! LOL!
    3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
  • Lorenzo 2009/01/12 13:00:50
  • micmouse 2009/01/12 07:42:18
    Frowning
    micmouse
    +1
    They are boring.
  • roger micmouse 2009/01/12 23:50:03
    roger
    oh well...sorry to hear that...:-)
  • micmouse roger 2009/01/19 04:51:53
    micmouse
    +1
    i seriously don't like these. I've heard them all before.
  • Sean... the dark side lied ... 2009/01/12 06:35:13
    Smiling
    Sean... the dark side lied about the cookies
    +1
    The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
    The trouble with life is there's no background music.
    Those are my favorites! Thanks!
  • *>~ Ne Ne ~<* 2009/01/12 06:16:55
    Smiling
    *>~ Ne Ne ~<*
    +1
    lol! :D
  • marquise 2009/01/12 06:06:40
    Smiling
    marquise
    +1
    Rofl!!! Luv it all!!!!

    "God must love stupid people; He made so many." *sigh* and *rolling eyez* ;)
  • Sam 2009/01/12 04:44:00
    Smiling
    Sam
    +1
    lmao....thats all i can say
  • ☮Michelle☮ 2009/01/12 03:41:44
    Frowning
    ☮Michelle☮
    +1
    I've heard them ALL before
  • roger ☮Michelle☮ 2009/01/12 03:46:31
    roger
    good...keep smiling!
  • ☮Michelle☮ roger 2009/01/12 03:49:59
    ☮Michelle☮
    +1
    i know but i was disappointed
  • roger ☮Michelle☮ 2009/01/12 03:51:32
    roger
    no problem...maybe next time...
  • ☮Michelle☮ roger 2009/01/12 03:52:47
    ☮Michelle☮
    +1
    i know but when i first heard them i laughed
  • inomi03 2009/01/12 02:57:40
    Smiling
    inomi03
    +1
    I really like 2,5, and 6.
  • MS.SMILEY95 2009/01/12 00:50:58
    Smiling
    MS.SMILEY95
    +1
    funny! left me laughing. a good way to end my long long day!
  • maddmaxx 2009/01/12 00:41:04
    Smiling
    maddmaxx
    +1
    Just what I needed at the end of another tough day. Thanks.
  • ME!!!!!!!! 2009/01/12 00:40:11
    Smiling
    ME!!!!!!!!
    +1
    most of those are really funny

    probably use those later
  • bree 2009/01/11 23:46:27
    Smiling
    bree
    +1
    haha i will defiantly use some of those some time!!!
  • John 2009/01/11 23:10:18
    Smiling
    John
    +1
    Quality time for the group.
  • AnneMac 2009/01/11 23:04:54
    Smiling
    AnneMac
    +1
    Thanks for the laugh!
  • just me 2009/01/11 23:00:02
    Smiling
    just me
    +1
    These are really funny! I mean really funny!
  • squid 2009/01/11 22:16:04
    Smiling
    squid
    +1
    I love the "Don't take life too seriously, do one gets out alive" one.
  • Zai 2009/01/11 21:24:45
    Smiling
    Zai
    +1
    Cool^^
    I made me giggle X3
  • Mtnman 2009/01/11 21:20:08
    Smiling
    Mtnman
    +1
    Hey Roger, Pretty good. I particularly liked 2,3,4,5,12,16,22,24,and 28.
  • Vickytoria600 2009/01/11 20:58:14 (edited)
    Smiling
    Vickytoria600
    +1
    these are so adorable! here's two to add

    having your boyfriend break up with you and saying "we can still be friends"
    is like your dog dying and your mom saying "you can still keep it"

    so true

    click this it's hilarious!
    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_a7j...
  • my*chemical*romance*lover 2009/01/11 20:50:48
    Smiling
    my*chemical*romance*lover
  • ella 2009/01/11 19:53:24
    Smiling
    ella
    +1
    hahaha. funny. well, some of them, anyways.
  • tibetsun 2009/01/11 19:16:38 (edited)
    Smiling
    tibetsun
    +1
    I love, "Earth is the insane asylum, for the Universe"! Thanks, Roger--these are great!
  • Sadie100~In God we trust~ 2009/01/11 18:42:49
    Smiling
    Sadie100~In God we trust~
    +4
    So true, like a dose of medication,laughter, you can't beat it!! Thanks.... smiling true dose medicationlaughter beat
  • UrbanHillbilly 2009/01/11 18:32:01
    Smiling
    UrbanHillbilly
    +2
    As for no. 5, A direct quote from Bugs Bunny is as follows, "Never take life too seriously; you'll never get out of it alive."
  • Dale 2009/01/11 18:30:24
    Smiling
    Dale
    +2
    Definately smiling.
  • Kent the Roofer 2009/01/11 18:27:17 (edited)
    Smiling
    Kent the Roofer
    +4
    Great post! Needed the laugh. Here is one from Catch-22:

    I am going to live forever, or die in the attempt.
  • Jimbob 2009/01/11 18:16:42
    Smiling
    Jimbob
    +4
    26 and 29... my favorites
  • Caroline 2009/01/11 17:56:49
    Smiling
    Caroline
    +4
    After going out to move my daughter's car to line up on one side of the driveway so we could get the driveway plowed, I got STUCK, Thank God for a couple of nice men who stopped to help me, one had a plow so they pushed me back into my driveway and he plowed where the other plows left the big snow by the road and then I could back out and back in again. I really needed this, Thank you! 8 " of snow, some day I'm moving to FL... pushed driveway plowed plows snow road 8 snow moving fl
  • poet4justice 2009/01/11 17:51:38
    Smiling
    poet4justice
    +4
    in sanity, i'm with you lol
  • noopinion 2009/01/11 17:42:02
    Smiling
    noopinion
    +6
    Awesome! I needed a good laugh! smiling awesome laugh
  • Nat 2009/01/11 17:40:58
    Smiling
    Nat
    +5
    I'm not just smiling, I'm rofling! (rolling on the floor laughing out loud. I'm always surprised how many people don't know that.)

    "2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."

    I already knew that line, but it's always been one of my favorite quotes. :D

    "6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me."

    I think I found my new motto!
  • flyer9753 2009/01/11 17:40:15
    Smiling
    flyer9753
    +6
    ROFL!!!

    Thanks!! Needed that!

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