Quantcast

Jokes

sc 2009/06/11 19:31:24
One morning Bobby's mother was cleaning his room, and she found a dirty magazine depicting spanking under the bed. She was beside herself worrying, trying to think of how to handle the situation.

Finally her husband came home from work, and he asked her how her day was. The mother told him about the magazine. Shaking, she asked him how they were going to handle this situation.

Her husband sat there for awhile, sighed, and said, "Well, I guess spanking him is out of the question."



They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, "Where is my father?"

The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with "Your father is fishing in Michigan."

The skeptical man said triumphantly, "You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years."

"No", replied the super computer immediately. "Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout."





During a recent hot spell in Atlanta a hillbilly collapsed on the street. Immediately a croud gathered and began offering suggestions.

"Give the poor man a drink of whiskey," a little old lady said.

"Give him some air," a man cried out.

"Give him some whiskey," she cried again.

Several other suggestions were made and the victim suddenly sat up and hollered, "Will all of you shut up and listen to the little old lady?"




Excited about his new project concept, a movie producer had called together several big name draws to kick some ideas around.

The project, an action docu-drama about famous composers featured Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwartzenegger in leading roles.

The producers really wanted the box office 'oomph' of these three, and they were prepared to allow them to select what famous composers they would portray.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme, I'll play him."

Things were going well; the producers were pleased.

"Sounds splendid. And who do you want to be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."
You!
Add Photos & Videos

Sort By
  • Most Raves
  • Least Raves
  • Oldest
  • Newest
Opinions

  • Judex Dirum 2009/06/12 21:31:38
    Judex Dirum
    The last one is so amazing! My favourite of the three.

    favourite
  • sc Judex D... 2009/06/13 03:13:39
    sc
    Thank you I try.
  • Judex D... sc 2009/06/13 21:40:15
    Judex Dirum
    Oh wow I seriously didn't notice it was you. . . grr brain fart.
  • sc Judex D... 2009/06/13 22:13:42
    sc
    Its ok.
  • X♥XSceneQueenX♥X 2009/06/12 04:06:50
    X♥XSceneQueenX♥X
    ha ha
  • mrz_sloan 2009/06/12 02:33:36
    mrz_sloan
    haha they were great :)
  • Nadrasta 2009/06/12 02:30:46
    Nadrasta
    Lmao, i liked the second one the best
  • ALofRI 2009/06/11 20:25:17
    ALofRI
    How about this one:

    A professor at a medical school was giving lecture on "Involuntary muscle response". During the lecture he noticed one female student that didn't seem to be paying much attention. He spoke for a few more minutes, became more and more angry, and finally in frustration said, "Ms Reynolds! Can you tell me what your asshole is doing while you are having an orgasm"???

    She Answered: "Yes, usually fishing and drinking beer with his buddies!"

    It was ten minutes before the class could be resumed.
  • sc ALofRI 2009/06/11 20:33:04
    sc
    I like it XD
  • ben 2009/06/11 20:00:02
  • X.x//St.Jimmy//x.X 2009/06/11 19:56:32
    X.x//St.Jimmy//x.X
    lol

See Votes by State

The map above displays the winning answer by region.

Entertainment

2014/04/18 03:21:46

Hot Questions on SodaHead
More Hot Questions

More Community More Originals