Heres one.
Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:
Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!
Hey im new on here and i want to know if anybody has any good jokes to share??
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Top Opinion
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♫Kasey♥TERPS~IN GOD WE TRUST♫ 2009/06/19 17:37:23
Friend: Omg i've been asking every1 and nobody told me. I asked them wat duz idk mean? Do u know?
Me: I don't know
Friend: SHIT NOBODY KNOWS!!!!
A blonde calls her boyfriends and says "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her bf (boyfriend) decides to come over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and continues, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then..." he adds with a deep sigh. "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
on vacation She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in
the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking.After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of
one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well then, maybe
I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for
free!'The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, 'Well little lady, why
don't you go on and give it a try?' The blonde headed off to the swamp,
determined to catch an alligator.Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is
driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the
murky water, shotgun in hand.As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a
huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes,
the blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the
slippery bank.Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up. !
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The
blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its
back.Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration,
'DARN!..... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!'
This group is all about jokes.
The word they were given was "Timbuktu."
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said...
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan,
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination-Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited...
Me and Tim a huntin' went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The redneck won, hands down!
Q. Why do women have two sets of lips?
A. So they can piss and moan at the same time
SO LONG
AND....
There was a girl on the sidewalk of a busy street yelling "25!25!25!" Another girl came up to her and joined in. The first girl then said "It's much more fun saying it in the streets." So, the second girl went into the middle of the street, got hit and died. The first one started shouting "26!26!26!"
Hope ya likey ;)
there are two dudes dude 1 say i know a man with a wooden leg named smith
dude 2 says wats the name of his other leg!
i was just watching mary poppins! never got the joke!
A police man came over and asked them for their fishing lisences.
The blondes said they didn't have one, but they weren't fishing.
They held up their fishing rods to reveal magnets on the end.
the police man left.
Blonde one turned to blonde two and said "Stupid policeman-doesn't he know there are steelhead trouts in this river!?"
Click on the link -----> http://www.sodahead.com/group...
Every time the car stops, she climbs into the back seat.
-also-
What's the definition of a smart blond?
A Golden Retriever.
While on the operating table, she had a near death
experience.
Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, two months and eight days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, an ambulance killed her. Arriving in front of God, she demanded,
"I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that ambulance?"
God replied, "Girl, I didn't recognize you”
Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:
Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!
...the third one ducked...
:-) Git it?
lol!!
I had to read that over to get it!
Nice one!
:-)
your mom is lyk a vacuum cleaner
she sucks she blows and gets laid in
the closet..
my sis was watching me read this and was like wat?(she is 9 1/2) i just laughted @ her