Question Entertainment
Funny Thanksgiving Jokes: Anybody got some good ones?
Coffee-Aholic November 26, 2008 19:39:08
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So Thanksgiving, turkey day, is almost here! Time to sit around a big table, stuff yourself silly with food, and enjoy the company of family and friends. One of my family's thanksgiving traditions is to tell jokes after our huge meal... so I'm reaching out to my fellow sodaheads looking for some good turkey jokes this year!
Anyone out there have any funny turkey images, or thanksgiving jokes to share this year?!
Anyone out there have any funny turkey images, or thanksgiving jokes to share this year?!
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Top Comment
I have a funny thanksgiving joke for you...
1. Talk about a huge breast
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. Whew, that's one terrific spread
6. I'm in the mood for dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some.
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!
Hope everyone had a joyous Thanksgiving!
I'm sorry. I can't think of any thanksgiving fun.
I'm sorry. I can't think of any thanksgiving fun.
I have a funny thanksgiving joke for you...
ha ha ha.....
not so funny
i don't have any good jokes
I'm sorry. I can't think of any thanksgiving fun.
I'm sorry. I can't think of any thanksgiving fun.
I have a funny turkey day image for you...
I have a funny thanksgiving joke for you...
I have a funny thanksgiving joke for you...
Student:"so we know when to start chistmas shopping"
2)Knock nock
whos there?
Aurther?
Aurther who?
Aurther any left overs?
3)What was the main thing the pilgrahms did during the first winter?
STARVE
4) " i was going to serve sweet patatos but i sat on them"
so now what r u serving
"SQUASH"
5)How do you tell a male turkey from a female one?
The male is holding the remote control
I have a funny thanksgiving joke for you...
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks
Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play
What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
Boy! I'm stuffed!
And a funny image...
I'm sorry. I can't think of any thanksgiving fun.
I'm sorry. I can't think of any thanksgiving fun.
I have a funny thanksgiving joke for you...
I have a funny thanksgiving joke for you...
I'm sorry. I can't think of any thanksgiving fun.
I have a funny turkey day image for you...
I'm sorry. I can't think of any thanksgiving fun.
I have a funny thanksgiving joke for you...
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before
Thanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to
tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years
of misery is enough.
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
The father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of
talking about this,so you call your sister in Chicago and tell
her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take
care of this,"
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You
are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get
t h ere. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there
tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and
hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
"Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and
They're paying their own way."
I'm sorry. I can't think of any thanksgiving fun.
I have a funny turkey day image for you...
I have a funny thanksgiving joke for you...
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know;
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of..... Black November;
"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,
"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;
"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;
"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;
"And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing".
Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,
And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked;
I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola;
And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;
I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to ...'''''""
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know;
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of..... Black November;
"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,
"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;
"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;
"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;
"And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing".
Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,
And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked;
I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola;
And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;
I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;
But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;
And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound;
So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;
I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap;
She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said "Christmas is coming..."
I have a funny thanksgiving joke for you...
Its got so many things that no other store has.
An automatic water mister to keep vegetables fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk, cows are mooing and you smell fresh mowed hay.
In the meat department there is an aroma of Roasting Turkey and Stuffing.
In the Bakery smelled a combination of Apple and Pumpkin pie.
When you approach the eggs, hens cluck or cackle
and you can smell fried eggs and bacon cooking.
The bread department smells of fresh baked bread and cookies.
But........
I will never buy toilet paper there any more.
I have a funny thanksgiving joke for you...
'Twas the night before Thanksgiving
and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking
and moanin' and bitchin'.
I've been here for hours,
I can't stop to rest,
This place is a disaster,
just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I've got
thirty people to feed,
They expect all the trimmings,
who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered,
I've got cramps in my legs,
The dog just knocked over
a bowl full of eggs,
There's a knock at the door
and the telephone's ringing;
Frosting drips on the counter
as the microwave's dinging,
Two pies in the oven,
dessert's almost done;
My cookbook is soiled
with butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand,
I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my hus! band,
spilling rum on the floor.
He heaves and he wobbles,
his balance unsteady;
Then grins as he chuckles
"The eggnog is ready!"
He looks all around and
with total regret,
Say's "What's takin' so long?
aren't you through in here yet?"
As quick as a flash
I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe;
I wanted his life!
He flees from the room
in terror and pain,
and screams "MY GOSH WOMAN,
YOU'RE GOING INSANE!"
Now what was I doing,
and what is that smell?
Oh, GOSH, it's the pies!
They're all black
right down to the shell!
I hate to admit
when I make a mistake,
But I put them on BROIL
...'''''''
'Twas the night before Thanksgiving
and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking
and moanin' and bitchin'.
I've been here for hours,
I can't stop to rest,
This place is a disaster,
just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I've got
thirty people to feed,
They expect all the trimmings,
who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered,
I've got cramps in my legs,
The dog just knocked over
a bowl full of eggs,
There's a knock at the door
and the telephone's ringing;
Frosting drips on the counter
as the microwave's dinging,
Two pies in the oven,
dessert's almost done;
My cookbook is soiled
with butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand,
I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my hus! band,
spilling rum on the floor.
He heaves and he wobbles,
his balance unsteady;
Then grins as he chuckles
"The eggnog is ready!"
He looks all around and
with total regret,
Say's "What's takin' so long?
aren't you through in here yet?"
As quick as a flash
I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe;
I wanted his life!
He flees from the room
in terror and pain,
and screams "MY GOSH WOMAN,
YOU'RE GOING INSANE!"
Now what was I doing,
and what is that smell?
Oh, GOSH, it's the pies!
They're all black
right down to the shell!
I hate to admit
when I make a mistake,
But I put them on BROIL
instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong?
Is there still more ahead?
If this is good living,
I'd rather be dead.
Lord, don't get me wrong,
I love holidays;
They just leave me exhausted,
all shaky and dazed.
But I promise you one thing,
if I live 'til next year,
You won't find me
pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
And if that doesn't work,
I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for
the Traditional feast.
Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play
a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the
store.
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven,
removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen,and inserted it into the
turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey.
She then placed the bird(S) back in the oven
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey
out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing.
When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled
out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother
exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started
to cry.
It took the family two hours to convin ce her that turkeys
lay eggs!
Yep..................SHE'S BLONDE!
I have a funny thanksgiving joke for you...
Rover- get the hell away from her before she gets some of that on you!"
I have a funny turkey day image for you...