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Funny Blonde Jokes?

dc100 2009/06/16 03:55:03
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  • Wyatt the Riot! 2009/06/16 04:35:52 (edited)
    Wyatt the Riot!
    +17
    A brunette is sitting on the side of the rode counting, "Twenty-seven, twenty-seven, twenty-seven," and a blonde walks up. She asks, "Watcha doin?"

    The brunette replies, "Countin,'" and the blonde wants to count with her. So they are both counting "Twenty-seven, twenty-seven, twenty-seven."

    The blonde then says, "This is boring."

    The brunette agrees and says, "It's much more fun if you do it out in the middle of the road."

    So the blonde says, "Ok!" and runs out in the middle road and starts counting, "twenty-seven, twenty-se..." 'SMACK' she gets hit by a car.

    Then the brunette goes, "Twenty-eight, twenty eight, twenty eight."

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  • *ShElBiE* 2010/03/19 02:42:10
    *ShElBiE*
    how do you drownd a blond?

    Put a scrack-n-sniff sticker on the bottem of a pool
  • pico 2009/11/10 00:41:31
    pico
    a blonde arrives to a bar she ask for a beer the barman on purpose spills some on her big chest then he says i'll get that so he starts to leak her chest the blonde ask for another beer and again the barman spills beer on her chest and starts leaking again this happens a third time. A man sitting besides the blonde observes this so he ask the barman to give the blonde a beer and spill it again so the barman does it and the man besides her go to her chest and starts leaking as soon as he leaks her the blonde slap him the man in the floor shaking his head saids how come you let the barman leak you the blonde answer he has a leaker license!!!
  • japaness girl inside 2009/10/31 04:22:42
    japaness girl inside
    a blonde goes into a electronics store. she ask's the man how much the tv coast,he said sorry we don't sell to blonde.so she died her hair brunette and ased the man again how much the tv coast,he says the same thing.then she died's her hair red. she ask the man again how much tv coast,he says sorry we don't sell to blonde's.she says how can yo tell i'm a blonde.he says because this is a microwave.
  • xXCandyxChandy&&Xx 2009/10/29 20:47:51
    xXCandyxChandy&&Xx
    A blonde walks up to a lady having a yard sell and picks up something that catcher her eye and asks what is this?
    the lady says it's a thermos, so the blonde asks what does it do? the lady says it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold so the blonde buys it and takes it home. . .

    When the blonde gets home she sits on her porch with her thermos and another blonde comes up and asks what is that and what does it do?
    so the blonde answers it's a thermos and it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. . .
    so the second blonde asks so what do you have in it and
    the first blonde says . . . a cup of coffee and a popcicle
  • [...] 2009/10/29 19:37:30 (edited)
  • ♥ Emily the "Cutie Banana P... 2009/10/03 23:32:56
    ♥ Emily the "Cutie Banana Pie" ♥
    +1
    someone took mine...
  • undertakersymbiote 2009/09/20 14:18:12
    undertakersymbiote
    +1
    What's creepier? A dark, haunted castle at midnight or a blonde thinking?

    Another one:
    What do you call it when a blonde thinks? Answer: The Supernatural.
  • t bear 2009/08/11 17:22:33
    t bear
    There was this blonde who walked into a dentist office and said i need a check up plz.so they took her back in a room sat her down andsaid open wide.then the dentist noticed she had a cd player and some head phones in.The dentist taps her shoulder and says"mamm please take off your head phones so we know you can here us."the blonde looks over with a surprised expretion and asked "do you want me to die?"but she didnt take them off so as the dentist walk aroud her he pulled off the phones and set them on the counterwen he turned around the blonde was dead.the dentist put the head phones on and noticed they were saying "breath in, breath out" lol
  • Beth 2009/08/11 17:06:14
    Beth
    a blind man walks into a bar and sits down. after he has had a few drinks he turns to the guy next to him and askes the man "do you want to hear a blond joke?" the guy next to him responds "i dont suggest it because im a blond karate black belt the man on your other side is a blond body biulder the bartender is a blond boxer and the guy three seats down is a blond profecanal resaler." the blind man scoffes and says "well forget it. i dont want to repite it 4 time."
  • Jen 2009/08/11 16:50:29
    Jen
    OK so theres a red head, a brunette and a blonde and all three of the r strandid on an island 10 miles away from shore the red head swims 2 miles and drowns the brunette swims 5 miles and drowns and the blonde swims 9 miles gets tired and go's back 2 the island
  • JKJacksonhole 2009/08/01 00:04:56
    JKJacksonhole
    +1
    You know the easiest way to teach a blonde how to dive into a pool?

    Place a scratch and sniff sticker on the pool bottom.
  • evceleb JKJacks... 2009/08/12 04:15:03 (edited)
    evceleb
    genius. or something glittery/shiny
  • Nick JKJacks... 2009/10/29 20:51:21
    Nick
    I believe the joke to that punchline is, "How do you drown a blonde?"
  • Anonymous 2009/07/31 19:29:59
    Anonymous
    +1
    there's 2 blondes walking into a building... you expect one of them to see it
  • American Nate 2009/07/29 04:17:17
    American Nate
    +2
    There is a brunette, redhead, and a blonde. The cops were chasing them. The brunette was behind some cows and went moo. Then cops said nothing there but cows. The redhead was behind some sheep. She went baa. The cops said nothing there but sheep. The blonde was behind some bags of potatoes. And she shout out Potato!
  • Tay Tay America... 2009/07/31 14:39:22 (edited)
    Tay Tay
    +1
    omg, i luv tht one i tell it to my friends all the time except with cat, dog and orange, nd the brunnete nd red head were in garbage cans and the blonde was IN a sack of oranges
  • Zombie - Girl 2009/07/25 04:38:14
    Zombie - Girl
    +4
    a blonde a brunette and a redhead all head into a bar. they hav been traveling all day and they all hav 2 use the bathroom. but its a 1 toilet bathroom so they all hve to take turns. outside the bathroom a crazy old woman says "beware. the mirror in there is enchanted. if u lie u will b sucked into the abyss immediately. but if you tell the truth u will b awarded." so the redhead goes in 1st. she says "i think im the prettiest girl in this bathroom" an d a bag of money popped out and she ran away. then the brunette goes in and says "i think im the prettiest girl in this bar" and a new car popped out and she drove away. then the blonde goes in and says "i think...." and was sucked in immediately.
  • PNutt 2009/07/17 16:34:36
    PNutt
    +1
    there was a blonde brunette and a red head there all stranded on an island 100 miles away from civilization. the brunette decided to try and swim back to civilization soo she did. she swam 90 miles got tired and died. the reed head got worried about the brunette soo she swam to try and find her. she also swam 90 miles got tired and died. and finally the blonde tried to swim and find them soo she swam 90 miles got tired then turned around and swam 90 miles back to the island and died.
  • Toni 2009/07/10 14:17:32
    Toni
    +3
    a blonde a brunette and redhead just broke out of jail and the cops are looking for them. They run to a farm and the brunette hides in a room full of cows. when the cops come in she goes 'moo'. the cops say "Nothing here but cows" the redhead hides in a room full of sheep. When the cops come in she goes 'baaa'. The cops say "Nothing here but sheep" the blonde hides in a room full of potatos. When the cops come in she goes 'potato!' The cops say "Nothing here but potatoes". When the cops walk out they take of their hats and they were blonde!
  • Miss Sarah. 2009/07/10 14:07:56
    Miss Sarah.
    +5
    A blonde is at work one day crying, and her boss walks in and asks "What's wrong?", the blonde replies, "My mother has just died!", her boss then said, "That's terrible! If you need some time off work feel free." but the blonde decided to stay at work. Shortly after the blonde runs out of her office crying, her boss then asks again "What's wrong?" and the blonde replies, "My sister just called, Her mum's died too!"
  • Mr. Penguin•the guy you've ... 2009/07/10 13:17:38
    Mr. Penguin•the guy you've been waiting for•
    +6
    there are 3 girls. 1 brown haired, 1 red haired, and 1 blonde haired. They all died in a car accident a couple nights ago. In order to get to heaven they had to walk 1,000 steps. Each 100 god told them a joke. If they laughed they had to go to hell. The red haired girl was up first. She laughed on the 100th step. She went to hell. Then the brown haired girl. She got to the 500th and laughed. She went to hell. Up next the blonde haired girl. She got to the 999th step and yet she hadn't laughed. God said "Congradulations, you made it to the 999th step. You may proceed to heaven," The Blonde laughed. God said " What's so funny!" and the Blonde said " Oh, Nothing, I think I just got the first joke!"
  • Little Miss Summersault -Bi... 2009/07/01 20:46:13
    Little Miss Summersault -Bitch in Training
    A brunette and blond break out of jail the cops are chassing them so they go into an ally to hide. The brunette hides in a dumpster the blond hides in a potato sack the cops come they kick the dumpster ruff ruff its just a dog. Next they kick the potato sack potato potato.
  • Ally 2009/06/22 20:19:30
    Ally
    +4
    Why does it take longer to make a blonde snowman?

    Because you have to hollow out the head
  • kewldewd 2009/06/17 07:19:19 (edited)
    kewldewd
    +4
    A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in a private plane. The brunette throws a penny out of the plane and says "I just made someone a little happy." The redhead throws a silver dollar out of the plane and says "I just made someone more happier." The blonde throws a grenade out of the plane and says "I probably just killed someone." So they land, and the brunnete is walking when she sees a little boy crying. "Whats wrong?" She askes, and the little boy says "I was playing with my puppy when a penny fell out of the sky and killed him." The redhead is walking and sees a little girl crying so she asks "Whats wrong?" "I was petting my kitty when a silver dollar fell out of the sky and killed her." So the blonde is walking, and she sees a kid laughing his ass off. "Whats so funny?" The kid replies "My dad just farted and a building behind him blew up."
    kid laughing ass funny kid replies dad farted building blew
  • ypd91 2009/06/17 04:34:45
    ypd91
    a red head, a brunette, and a blond die at the same time and descend to heaven, they arrive at the bottom of a stair case where they met jesus and he tells them
    "you three must ascend to the top of the 100-steps stairs one at a time in order to get to heaven, but i must warn you for every step you take you well hear a dirty joke and if you laugh you well fall straight into hell"
    so the brunette goes first but sadly she makes only makes it to step #64 and she starts to laugh so she goes to hell
    the red head didn't do much better she only got to #69
    but the blond made it to last step, to the ninety-ninth step and started to laugh puzzled jesus went up to her and asked
    "why did you start laughing if you only needed one more step?"
    she simply says " I finally got the first joKe!"
  • urwutuis 2009/06/17 04:17:13
    urwutuis
    +3
    Why don't blonds eat M&Ms;?
    They're a bitch to peel.
  • Banana 2009/06/17 03:25:05
    Banana
    +6
    There is a blond, brunette and red head sitting in a pregnancy clinic.

    The brunette says to the red head "I hear depending on what position you were in determines the sex of your baby.If you were on top it's a boy, if you were on bottom it's a girl"

    So the blond runs out screaming" OH MY GOD! I'm having puppies!"
  • Pooka 2009/06/17 03:14:07
    Pooka
    +6
    A Blonde girl is sitting in class texting her friend. Her friend replies, "IDK." She asks the person next to her "What does IDK mean?"
    She say " I Don't know."
    The Blonde girl then asks the boy in front of her "What does IDK mean?"
    The boys says " I don't know."
    The blonde then asks the girl behind her "DO you know what IDK means?"
    The girl says " I don't know"

    The blonde girl panicked and shouts "Oh MY GOD!! Nobody KNOWS!!"
  • Old Soldier 2009/06/17 00:53:30 (edited)
    Old Soldier
    +2


    Analogue - First Lyon; What's that? Second Lyon; Wait for it! Both Lyons, "Blond Antelope!" "Yummy!!"
  • Okkey Poo Poo 2009/06/16 23:44:25
    Okkey Poo Poo
    +9
    This Is A Funny One
    On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

    The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

    "That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

    After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"
  • amanda deleon 2009/06/16 23:38:53
    amanda deleon
    +1
    what yall are nuts
  • Aer Aer 2009/06/16 22:07:05 (edited)
    Aer Aer
    +2
    There was this blonde and she walked by this two story house and there was this woman garding. So she the blond walked up to her and said how many storeys are in your house because it looks like 45 walked story house woman garding blond walked storeys house 45

    this is it above
  • -j;Reneaa|':D 2009/06/16 21:57:34
    -j;Reneaa|':D
    +1
    so there is this blondee and she has a chance to win 10,000 dollarrs.
    all shee has to do is NOT laughh at 100 jokees.

    so theyy tell herr thee first one then 2nd and so on.
    andd shee hasntt laughedd att anyy of themm.

    so itts alreadyy thee 99th jokee andd shee still hasntt laughedd.

    theyy weree justt aboutt to tell herr thee 100th jokee andd thenn shee laughss.
    theyy sayy whatt aree yuu laughingg at. we haventt saidd thee jokee yett. &⩜ thee blondee replies becausee iiBarleyy gett thee 1st jokee'!
    _____________________________...
    >>iiDntt gett thee jokee but my friendds toldd me it and theyy saidd thatt iiRemindedd themm of the blondee.
    but im a naturall brunnette.
    iiDidntt gett thatt eitherr. all well
    :)
  • ↓←↑♣→NVL←♣↑→↓ 2009/06/16 21:37:50
    ↓←↑♣→NVL←♣↑→↓
    +1
    there is a brunette, red head, and a blonde. they are running from the cops because they escaped from jail. for a while of running they run into a alley and try to find a spot to hide.

    the brunette and red head hide behind 2 trash cans and the blonde finds a patato sack and hides in there.

    when the cop comes to look around he kicks the first trash can ''MEOW'' nothing so he kicks the second one ''WOOF'' nothing there.

    he doesnt see any other place to hide so he just kicks the potato sack and the blonde yells out ''POTATOS''
  • jarhead 2009/06/16 21:34:46
    jarhead
    +4
    This blonde is going door to door trying to be a handyperson.

    So finally this couple asks her to paint their porch and she replies "okay ill do it for 50$" and sets off to paint their porch.

    Later While she's painting the man says to the woman "That was a really good deal, Does she know our porch goes all the way around the house?"

    Half an hour later she comes back and says "Im done and i had enough paint so i painted it twice"

    "That was really fast!" said the man "thank you!" then he paid her

    As she was walking off she yells to the couple "By the way that's not a porchse thats a ford.
  • Lady Whitewolf 2009/06/16 21:28:22
    Lady Whitewolf
    +5
    Why are blonde jokes so short?? So MEN can remember them!
  • Wyatt t... Lady Wh... 2009/06/16 23:05:59
  • PNutt Wyatt t... 2009/07/17 16:29:30
    PNutt
    +1
    ya i agree that joke suked
  • Shane 2009/06/16 20:33:39
    Shane
    +5
    A ventriloquist is using a dummy to make a dumb blonde joke when a blonde in the crowd stands up and starts shouting about how offended she is and how blonde jokes aren't funny. The ventriloquist speaks up and starts to appologize, when the blonde speaks up and says, 'you stay out of this, I'm talking to that little bastard on your lap'.
  • TopherJ3 2009/06/16 19:56:36 (edited)
    TopherJ3
    +4
    So there is a blonde and a brunette driving down the freeway. The brunette is driving and the blonde is sitting in the passenger seat. The brunette notices something is wrong and asks the blonde to check if her blinkers are working. So she sticks her head out the window and says "yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no..."

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