Do You Think Women Should Change Their Names When They Get Married?

I think so. It used to be that all children were property of their parents.

Well, they're not now. I thought it interesting that it was patriarchal to keep one's father's family name- in some well moneyed families in AMerica, we take our mother's maiden name as our middle name.

I wish I could just start a new last name. Then I wouldn't have to worry about all of this :(

The only thing about that is then you do lose your sense of family, if each generation creates a new last name to avoid their parents.

"A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet."

Eh, to me, it's just a name, and I don't think a name says how loyal of a person you are to your family.

True, but I'd also argue that the era of patriarchal issues is well over. In the modern westernized world our last names don't serve to remind us that we're our dads property - they only serve to designate what family we're from. Most of us dealt with the usual middleclass family unit where mom and dad both work for the family and raising the child is a double duty.

Obviously I'd agree that if anyone went through traumatic childhood they'd best move on to a new identity. But for most of us a last name isn't what it used to be as far as control goes.

Well, you could I guess. Muslim women don't,(change their last name) but I did- and I wish I hadn't.
For practical reasons.

That's true. My grandma is Muslim and she kept her last name.

It helps with the paperwork.
Keep your own bank account honey!!!

And congratulations on the (future) upcoming nuptials.

Marriage is about two people getting together and, in most cases, bringing forth children. Any society that does not hold that as a core principle soon goes the way of the do-do bird. To help encourage men into this arrangement, the woman takes the man's family name. This is not chauvinism, it is demonstrable socio-biology.

You become a member of your husband family. Wouldn't you want to have the same last name as your children?

A woman shouldn't have to subsume her identity to her husband, or his family.
She has her own family heritage, her own uniques selfhood that she brings to a marriage.

We wanted to create a family when we got married, so we were all the "Watson family" including dogs. When we bought a new VW for my wife she ordered a personal license plate "VW4MrsW"
(real names not used)

ANd your family dynamic would be destroyed by your wife retaining her own family history in her name? How would any of that change if she had her own name?
It's a tradition, but there are a billion people on the planet who manage to hold their families together with it.

Its not MY family dynamic. It's my peoples, my culture. I'm a American. Its the way we do things. It the way my wives wanted it done as much as me.

Wives? Plural? Lol. Ok, I'm an American and it's not the way we do things.
That's one of the beautiful things about being an American.

I have had several marriages. I'm a American too Victoria. There was a plague of cancer in my generation and I was widowed..

I'm sorry to hear that Blueskies.
But you're a man. ANd were able to keep your name.
I have had several marriages too, and I wish I had kept my own name.
I'm guessing you've never had to take a pile of certificates and explain a name change to anyone.

SO, you can keep your traditions, and I won't have an opinion on it-
and I'll keep my traditions, and be just as American as anyone else.

I'm a wife, and I don't want it. No hyphens either.
I've even thought of taking my mother's maiden name.
MAybe I will someday.

I'm guessing you've never had to take a pile of certificates and explain a name change to anyone.
.................
Nope.
.................
You act like this is exclusively my idea. I didn't invent the system, nor do I enforce it. It's evolved over time for probably good reasons. Primarily for children I bet. My wives, each marriage, chose to adopt my family name, I did not demand it, though I expected it. It's the women who keep all the family records,
keep it straight who is related to whom.
There is no law that say's you MUST follow tradition, many do what they want.

I think the big difference in our experience was my marriage(s) was
for a lifetime, if a brief one. And I just assume any marriage is forever.

Wow that was pretty nasty.

I was just trying to be neutral, I meant no offense. We simply had different experiences.

Well, you don't really have any idea what my experience was- because I didn't share it. yet you assumed
" The big difference in our experience was my marriage(s) was
for a lifetime, if a brief one. And I just assume any marriage is forever"

Hmm. ANd the "big" difference would be.....what exactly?
That I get married for giggles?

If that wasn't meant to be offensive- I don't want to be around when you're trying (to be offensive).

The difference was my marriages ended in death, There were no legal complications regarding name changes for me. So I did not share your experience and was not really aware of the complications you faced.

No matter how they ended, there would've been no complications for you.
Because your name stayed the same.
And no matter how my marriages ended- the complications would have remained the exact same.

But your assumption that your own intentions were so nobly inspired, while mine must have been-well- the opposite of that-

The real difference here is the level of respect we have shown each other.
I've shown you respect.

I made no assumptions, except that you had bad luck in men. I had bad luck in women. Just different. And I thought I was being respectfull, I'm sorry you felt I was not.

Umm, EXCUSE ME- but YOU approached ME.
ANd ended with this-

"I think the big difference in our experience was my marriage(s) was
for a lifetime, if a brief one. And I just assume any marriage is forever"

The clear implication was= we are different because you marry for a lifetime- and assume marriage is forever-

the only way we could be different is- if I do NOT.

Now you're trying to rearrange what you said to being lucky?

Don't be sorry for how I feel mister.

Be sorry for what YOU say or DO.

You are not in control of my feelings to make an apology necessary.

I really, really dislike those fake personal responsibility eluding "apologies".

I believe in personal responsibility.

Victoria, you are trying to create something from nothing.

I really, really, dislike when people don't own up to their words.

It's up to the couple.

It has been a custom in my family and I have no qualms with doing so. I don't see it as an act of giving up my heritage I see it more as an act of unity with my husband.
However, this decision comes entirely down to the couple, and I will not tell anyone else what to do with their last names.... including my daughters if I should be fortunate enough to have them.
I've always thought the double last name idea is pretty cool.

I don't understand how the total votes has NO (time to get rid of it) leading by 56-44, but only two states show that as a majority, the individual state votes do not jibe with the national vote...does anybody ever check over the results especially looking for some computer glitch? Must be the same people that counted the 2000 Bush-Gore elections.

I think both last names should be added, but in the end it's up to the couple.

NEVER should have changed my name - Why do I need to give up MY family history, my heritage. Should have listened to my mom....

Why must it everything revolve around you? If the only person you care about in the world is yourself then you have no business getting married in the first place.

Maybe you should have picked a better husband?

Needs another option. It doesn't matter to me. If I want to keep my maiden name, I will. My children's name will have the same last name as their father.

The wife joins the husband's family.
I would consider it a way of showing disrespect for her husband and/or his family when the wife kept her own name.
It would not feel like a real marriage to me. It has nothing to do with dominance or controll. My wife is my willing partner, not some sort of slave.
We wanted to create a family when we got married, so we are all the "Watson family" including dogs. When we bought a new VW for her she ordered a personal license plate "VW4MrsW"
(real names not used)

So a husband does not join a WIFE'S family? disrespect? Really? How disrespectful is it to totally ignore that your wife has her own life and should not have to give it up to be part of yours...
Why not change YOUR name to hers?

Or keep both names so no one complains.
Compromise!