genXer COB~YWC's Blog
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wild bunnies really do eat pancakes
So this friend from college told me that he used to toss leftover pancakes outside to feed the rabbits. I've been doing this too. I would laugh thinking that wild rabbits would eat the pancakes. Today I watched a rabbit eat part of the pancake that I tossed out in the yard. It's funny. These days people bitch and moan about food prices, gas prices, and the cost of living. And here is this mischievious 34 year old ripping up pancakes and tossing them out in the yard in the hopes that the wild rabbits will eat them. I don't want to waste food so I gave the rabbits something to eat. I wish I had my camera. 
PLEASE STOP SPAMMING MY BLOG! not an alcoholic & my rabbit died
no it's not some weird Emo song.
I've pretty much given up on AA. Each time I went to a meeting, I felt as if I needed a drink. I don't know how many times someone there told a story about going out, getting drunk and then forgetting where they parked their car. Ridiculous. I've never done that. And then I could not handle the constant invitations to hang out with these people. I would purposely sit near the door so that I could get the fuck out of there. I went to the damn meeting and I don't want to socialize with these people. Gosh. I really think that I was mislabled. I am not an alcoholic. I just wanted to quit drinking. I quit drinking this year. It was a good move for me.
Xander my rabbit died this past Saturday. On 4/18/08 he had to have a kidney removed because it shut down. He would have died if we didn't do the procedure. He would have suffered from peritonitis. He survived the procedure with flying colors. I was so happy to see him when they discharged him from the vet. I took care of him each day that he was with me. He had to have IV fluids. I did not feel comfortable doing this so I took him to the vet and they did it there. Being a former nurse I felt it was for the better that this procedure ought to be done at the vet. I took him for the IV fluids each day. We had this routine I would go to work, come home, nap, shower and then spend time with him in the kitchen before we drove off to the vet together. Each day just came and went the week of May 5th through the 9th. Friday morning I got up to make my morning coffee and looked at Xander. He was laying down at the bottom of his cage. I totally freaked out and almost spilled my coffee. I thought he was dead. He wasn't. He finally perked up. I was thankful that in the afternoon we would be going to the vet. I dreaded leaving for work. I did not want to go. Xander looked okay when I returned home from work. He is truly a fighter and it was amazing that he survived the kidney removal procedure. I wanted to do whatever it takes to help him. I really love this rabbit. We went to his appointment at the vet. The weather was crappy and the traffic was horrible. I just felt bad inside. I wasn't sure why. I knew that I was just taking Xander in for fluids. I sat in the vet office and did my usual reading of Cat Fancy magazine. The vet tech came and took Xander back after I gave the news about his progress. He was not eating or drinking much. The vet tech returned to me and said that they decided to hold off on the IV fluids and the vet perscribed a new medication that would help stimulate his appetite and would treat a suspected infection. We got home and we sat in the kitchen together. Xander could barely pick himself off the floor. It was as if he had given up and lost the strength that would hold him up. I just sat there petting him and crying. Deep down I knew that I couldn't do anything more. His eyes didn't look too good. I didn't see this fighter. I saw this beautiful creature that was waiting to leave this world. I was the frightened one. When my partner came home from work she saw me on the floor with the rabbit and my cell phone in my hand. I thought I should take him back to the vet. They could see him and do something for him. My partner told me that he was going to die and he would either do it here or at the vet's office. I kept on crying thinking and wishing there was something I could do. Several minutes later, I grabbed a towel and wrapped Xander up in it and held him. Looking back, I must have known that this was his last Friday. I kept him by my side. He was even on my lap as I tried to eat dinner. Luckily my partner took him so that I could eat my dinner. We watched the movie Donnie Darko taking turns holding Xander, petting him and telling him that we loved him. I carried his cage up to my bedroom and made a nest of towels to help support him as I returned him to his cage. I prayed that night for him.
The very next day. I laid in bed dreading the thought that he died during the night. I saw him resting in his towel nest. His breathing was labored. I kept petting him reassuring him that he was not alone. I took a very fast shower and got dressed. I sat down next to the cage and continued to pet him. My partner saw me. I told her that I was going to take him to the vet. She said to me, "there is nothing that can be done. they will just give you an antibiotic. you can't fix old." I cried because that is what they did with me yesterday. I wrapped him in a towel. He looked peaceful. We had to clean him up since he had loose stool. As he was being cleaned I was still holding him. His teeth chattered several times, he started to breathe deeper and faster and it was then that I knew this, "he was gone". Xander was 6 years old. I am really saddened by this loss. I will always have my memories of him.
I've pretty much given up on AA. Each time I went to a meeting, I felt as if I needed a drink. I don't know how many times someone there told a story about going out, getting drunk and then forgetting where they parked their car. Ridiculous. I've never done that. And then I could not handle the constant invitations to hang out with these people. I would purposely sit near the door so that I could get the fuck out of there. I went to the damn meeting and I don't want to socialize with these people. Gosh. I really think that I was mislabled. I am not an alcoholic. I just wanted to quit drinking. I quit drinking this year. It was a good move for me.
Xander my rabbit died this past Saturday. On 4/18/08 he had to have a kidney removed because it shut down. He would have died if we didn't do the procedure. He would have suffered from peritonitis. He survived the procedure with flying colors. I was so happy to see him when they discharged him from the vet. I took care of him each day that he was with me. He had to have IV fluids. I did not feel comfortable doing this so I took him to the vet and they did it there. Being a former nurse I felt it was for the better that this procedure ought to be done at the vet. I took him for the IV fluids each day. We had this routine I would go to work, come home, nap, shower and then spend time with him in the kitchen before we drove off to the vet together. Each day just came and went the week of May 5th through the 9th. Friday morning I got up to make my morning coffee and looked at Xander. He was laying down at the bottom of his cage. I totally freaked out and almost spilled my coffee. I thought he was dead. He wasn't. He finally perked up. I was thankful that in the afternoon we would be going to the vet. I dreaded leaving for work. I did not want to go. Xander looked okay when I returned home from work. He is truly a fighter and it was amazing that he survived the kidney removal procedure. I wanted to do whatever it takes to help him. I really love this rabbit. We went to his appointment at the vet. The weather was crappy and the traffic was horrible. I just felt bad inside. I wasn't sure why. I knew that I was just taking Xander in for fluids. I sat in the vet office and did my usual reading of Cat Fancy magazine. The vet tech came and took Xander back after I gave the news about his progress. He was not eating or drinking much. The vet tech returned to me and said that they decided to hold off on the IV fluids and the vet perscribed a new medication that would help stimulate his appetite and would treat a suspected infection. We got home and we sat in the kitchen together. Xander could barely pick himself off the floor. It was as if he had given up and lost the strength that would hold him up. I just sat there petting him and crying. Deep down I knew that I couldn't do anything more. His eyes didn't look too good. I didn't see this fighter. I saw this beautiful creature that was waiting to leave this world. I was the frightened one. When my partner came home from work she saw me on the floor with the rabbit and my cell phone in my hand. I thought I should take him back to the vet. They could see him and do something for him. My partner told me that he was going to die and he would either do it here or at the vet's office. I kept on crying thinking and wishing there was something I could do. Several minutes later, I grabbed a towel and wrapped Xander up in it and held him. Looking back, I must have known that this was his last Friday. I kept him by my side. He was even on my lap as I tried to eat dinner. Luckily my partner took him so that I could eat my dinner. We watched the movie Donnie Darko taking turns holding Xander, petting him and telling him that we loved him. I carried his cage up to my bedroom and made a nest of towels to help support him as I returned him to his cage. I prayed that night for him.
The very next day. I laid in bed dreading the thought that he died during the night. I saw him resting in his towel nest. His breathing was labored. I kept petting him reassuring him that he was not alone. I took a very fast shower and got dressed. I sat down next to the cage and continued to pet him. My partner saw me. I told her that I was going to take him to the vet. She said to me, "there is nothing that can be done. they will just give you an antibiotic. you can't fix old." I cried because that is what they did with me yesterday. I wrapped him in a towel. He looked peaceful. We had to clean him up since he had loose stool. As he was being cleaned I was still holding him. His teeth chattered several times, he started to breathe deeper and faster and it was then that I knew this, "he was gone". Xander was 6 years old. I am really saddened by this loss. I will always have my memories of him.
Instructions for life
Instructions for Life by the Dali Lama
INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s:
Respect for self
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s:
Respect for self
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
almost 60 days
"I'm on my way to real
and I'm putting it back together
like a busted plastic plane
I need a lot of glue and I've got a lot of pain
and I'm sorry if that scares you
sorry that you're stuck
and I'm sorry that I lied to you
when I said that I would never give you up" lyrics from Don't Say Goodbye by Melissa Ferrick
This song speaks volumes and really grips me. It is a source of strength for me as I am on my own path of sobriety. I will be approaching 60 days of being sober on 4/8/08. Melissa Ferrick wrote this song about drinking and how she got clean. She has been sober for over 10 years. I don't know her personally but she is a role model. I feel connected to her.
My story is that I am an alcoholic. I have been drinking ever since I was 12. I just couldn't wait to drink. It helped me escape. Now I didn't have a messed up childhood or anything bad like that. I remember back in high school in health class we had to listen to a panel of people that were alcoholics/drug addicts. I used to think that these people were crazy. There was this lady talking about how she would hide alcohol in closets and laundry baskets. I was so niave back then. I just thought that I liked to party. Well now, I am older & wiser. I thank those people on that panel for sharing their story. I lived in such a state of denial. I could tell many stories of my foolishness. I don't really want to do that since I don't want to dwell in the past. I will say that my wake up call and purpose for wanting to live a sober life... is that I don't want to be found dead somewhere. My fear was that my partner would find me dead. I have had several dreams about this.
I am in AA now. I am learning and growing spiritually. I still struggle with wanting to medicate my life as I deal with stress and problems.
I used to use alcohol so that I wouldn't have to feel emotions. I wanted to be numb. It's scary at times, but I like feeling. I like being real.
I just wanted to share my experience with becoming sober. It's like that story about the starfish on the shore. The girl in that story is trying to save them. She is not able to save every single one of them. But it really counts (the ones that she does save). Maybe my story will help someone.
