Everyone cough up your best jokes!

Here's another:
A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain.

His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.


Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese.'


'No rike Chinese?' asks the copilot, '....why not?'

'You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why !'

'No, no,' the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.'


'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese... doesn't matter, you're all alike!'

There's a few minutes of silence.


'I no rike Jews either!' the copilot suddenly announces.


'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.


'Jews sink Titanic.'


'What? That's insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, 'It was an iceberg!'

'Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg ...no mattah... all same.'

Two peanuts are walking down the street.
One was assaulted.

A string walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here." Dejected, the string walks outside and then begins to roll around on the ground, tying himself up and just messing himself up. The string walks back into the bar and asks the bartender for a drink. "Wait a second," says the bartender, "aren't you the string that just walked in here?" The string looks at the bartender and says, "No, I'm a frayed not."

So Superman is flying around, when he sees Wonderwoamn out sunbathing naked. Superman, of course gets a bit 'in the mood' and says to himself, 'I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I can do it and get it over with....'

So he flies down, and in 5 seconds he finishes and flies off. Later he meets the Invisible man. "Man', says the Invisible man, I dunno what happened. I was just fucking Wonderwoman when all of a sudden my ass started hurting.'

lol omg thts great
ok, the invisible man went to the doctor, so he checks in and the lady goes to the doctor.

she says the invisible man is here. and the doctor says "tell him i cant see him right now"